Perspective, Priorities, and Purpose

So I've been working on this grad school list since I finished up PL and it's coming along. It's been weird though. In a year, I'll be getting ready to go to grad school, start a new chapter in my life, and begin to develop myself as a student affairs professional. It really just baffles me. I've been working with first-year students all summer and I never forgot what my orientation was like, my peer leader, and my whole first year as a whole. I remember it so vividly, but now, the beginning of the end is here: senior year.

There's a piece of me that's always freaking out and while the thought of grad school excites me, it scares me as well. Last time I was talking to Michele about grad school, she called me out because I was literally gripping onto my clipboard as I was talking to her about it. It's just a different experience and something new--a transition--and I'm nervous, but I'm glad because she always give me reassurance.

During transfer orientation last night, I was talking to her about how I've started my search and although I'm moving along, I'm a little unsure if I'm doing everything I'm suppose to be doing. I told her I'm still nervous, even though I know that I'll be okay, I'm just still nervous. So she sent me this article called "From the Barrio to the Academy: Revelations of a Mexican American 'Scholarship Girl'" by Laura I. Rendon. It kind of just talked about this woman who is high ed professional and how when she was going to go to college and grad school, she got some resistance from her parents and she was nervous to leave, but she followed through with her dreams and now she has her doctorate and works in higher ed. So I've kinda been focusing on that part of the article since there were some parts that I could really relate to and...I don't know...I've just been thinking about it. The end of the article talked about how institutions of higher education change minority students, but the students should change the institutions too.

So I sent Michele my initial reaction to the article and this is what I got back:

Reading that just made me smile. It's so cool that Michele shared that with me and I can't wait to talk with her about it. I remember that when I was going to Arizona, I was telling her how my parents were reacting and she briefly mentioned how her parents didn't let her go too far for her undergrad and it was just a Latino parent kind of thing, I guess. But--now that I think of it--I think she went to Alaska for grad school? I remember her telling me she used to live there one time... Hm. Maybe Michele and I have a lot more in common than I thought we did hahaha =]

What has me thinking the most is that last sentence: It has had a huge impact on my perspective, priorities, and purpose. So, entering my senior year and getting ready to apple to grad school, what's my perspective, priority, and purpose?

The End of an Era

I made it!!!!!!! hahahahaha

I don't even know where to begin. We had our banquet last week and now I'm just at home chillin'. Well, I still have my cough and a sore throat, but I'm on antibiotics, so ninja is on her way to being back to 110% =]

Like how I mentioned in my last post, being PLC is definitely a challenge. I have grown a lot and learned a whole lot from the position and from the PL Program in general. I am so so so so so grateful to have been given this opportunity three times. It's almost too good to be true because I know there are some people who never get this opportunity at all... Thinking back on all three years, it's crazy how much I've grown from this experience. I remember my first year and how quiet I was and how Jason helped me break out of my shell my first year. It was only a few years ago, but it feels like such a long time ago.

The banquet was a nice wrap up of everything. I'm so proud of everyone and how much they've grown... In my eyes, everyone has grown--even if it's only a little bit--from this experience. This team was phenomenal. Yeah, we had our ups and downs, but all good teams do and it's fine as long as we make ourselves better, together.

It's weird because in the back of my mind this whole summer, I kept thinking if I was doing a good job. Yeah, I had Yosayra, Lindsay, and Liz told me I was doing a good job lots of times, but--to be honest--hearing it from my peers made me feel like I was really doing a good job. I was literally showered with love at the banquet. I got the award for most dedicated and passionate and the above and beyond award too! What kind of caught me off guard was how I was going up to get the award and I saw my roommate, Anny, stand up and start clapping for me and then (I guess I took a bit to walk up there) I was in the front of the room and the whole room gave me a standing ovation. Even thinking of it now, I'm still baffled by it. I've never...had that happen to me before. It was so weird, but so amazing and rewarding at the same time. A bunch of the PLs also came together and bought me a new iPad case (with a keyboard!!) and it's going to be so helpful once classes start! I also got a frame with pictures from my past three years as a PL and one with my name and words that people described me with. Gosh, I feel so happy inside.

It's just rewarding. I hope I never ever forget those moments. I got thank you cards and people wrote the sweetest things in them and I put all of them up on my door so I can see it everyday. Wow. Gosh. It's just weird... This year was different. I went back to the apartment after the banquet and cried. It's just weird. People kept thanking me for everything and wrote how they look up to me and I'm a role model for them---like what? I've never had so many people look at me that way before... But, it's good though. It makes me want to become a better person because people look up to me. =]

My roommate, Anny, brought our room together after the banquet with Liz and she thanked each of us and gave us presents, which was really cute. She made me a dream catcher and a key chain holder. What she said keeps playing over and over again in my head: "Girl, I don't even know where to begin. I look up to you so much because you show me that when you work really hard for something, you can do anything."

Well, I didn't do this by myself. Yosayra was a super mentor during these past few months because, well, she had to deal with me. lol. It was cool though, she was there for me when I needed to vent and--now that I think of it--she kind let me do my own thing. She just gave me her advice and support and then it was up to me to figure out what I was going to do. Aw, mentor love right here. I keep learning things from her, even in just watching how she supervises us. I hope I'll be an awesome supervisor like her one day. Yeah, she still scares me sometimes, but I think all of the PLs really looked up to her. She was real with us and--let's face it--us college folks like real people. hahaha.

Lindsay the RockStar. I'm really glad she let me use her office every time we had to make phone calls because even though it took me 2x longer to make calls, I didn't really mind because I'd always leave chuckling. The day she took me out for dinner is probably what kept me from going crazy this summer because it just served as a reminder how much everyone cares about me. Oh, and did I ever talk about Lindsay's expectations? They're really high. hahahaha It's good though. Lindsay always teaches me that I can always do better.

Liz! Liz, oh, Liz. This experience would have been completely different if we didn't have Liz. Liz is so awesome and so cool and--even right now--I miss her a lot. There' s a piece of me that feels like my best friend moved away when Liz left, but we're still keeping in touch, so that keeps me happy. =] Liz is amazing. She was always so caring and listened to me when I went off on rants and, honestly, our team wouldn't have developed so much if it weren't for her help. It's weird, but I think we both agreed that we felt like we were going to see each other again some day. I bet the world of student affairs will reunite us one day.

*sigh* Well, I think this marks the end of an era. (Well, at least for me it does.)

=]