Location, Location, Location

As I've been looking through job postings, one of the factors that keeps standing out to me is location. I've organized everything to be similar to my grad school search in regards to having everything organized by institution, state, position, website, etc. While I have been taking a look at some really cool positions, I get a little hesitant when it comes to states.

I am a Jersey girl who had always been surrounded by the city--the fast-paced life of always rushing to go somewhere, see someone, or do something. It was a constant lifestyle, one I realized rarely gave me the time to stop and think--when I did, I felt like I was missing out. I felt the need to always be doing something. Looking for grad schools, I knew I could live in a big city and that is what I was primarily looking for because it was an environment I could survive in.

Now, if you haven't already heard of the familiar saying, there is a difference between surviving and thriving.

This is where my summer in North Carolina comes in. The lifestyle was so different, so calming. I could take the time to stop and think and reflect and feel at ease with myself. I didn't feel rushed or lost in a sea of faces, but I just felt that was how life was meant to be lived. To be honest, I think about North Carolina every day. I miss it. Of course, I miss the people I met, but I miss the times when I would go downtown by myself and just sit in the park or walk into a bookstore and just be.
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I was at my best friend's house last week and we were looking at a few TED talks and my best friend pulled this one up:

It is about taking advantage of the time in your 20s and not waiting until you are 30 to start your life. I had heard this TED talk before and I remembered seeing a book about this. I looked it up and it was a book by this TED talk speaker called The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter--and How to Make the Most of Them Now.

I bought it right then and there and it came in the mail today. The English major in me is already 1/4 done with the book and I found myself struggling trying to relate to this book. It seemed to be getting all these rave reviews, but it was just not connecting with me.

I consider myself very fortunate to have graduated from college knowing what I wanted to do and I think that is why I struggled to feel a connection to the book. I don't really feel lost. Sure, job searching is a little overwhelming, but I know I am in the right profession and field. I have the opportunity to be in graduate school and be studying something I love with a job I love.

I started to doubt my confidence reading through all these stories of people who felt completely lost and I started to wonder if this book was even for me. Being in your 20s is a time of exploration and figuring things out. By no means--I stress this--no means do I know it all. So, I challenged myself to try to think about this in a different perspective. Okay, this was a great read for me to help my students with major/career exploration, but I knew there had to be more.

I read about a story where a girl was in California and she "just wanted to go home" to Tennessee. I stopped to think about this because sometimes--I too--"just want to go home." Over the past two years, "home" has become something I find within myself--a connection to people, places, things and it has become less about New Jersey.
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When looking through these positions, I've come across positions all over the country in states like Oklahoma or South Dakota and I think to myself and I really going to do this? Will I really start a job in a state I don't see a future in? And then I started to think about where I actually saw my future and the answer was always New Jersey, New Jersey, New Jersey. I would go out into the world for a few years and return to Jersey when my parents would need help taking care of themselves and my life would continue where it started--in New Jersey.

When people ask me where I am looking to apply, I usually say, "I'm open to everywhere, but I think I'm going to focus on the east coast and eventually go back to New Jersey to take care of my parents." But this book had me thinking. What happens after I take care of my parents? Will I continue to live this life and come back to New Jersey? What do I want? And then I stopped reading. Because I had realized I kind of wanted what I wanted my parents to have, what they deserve--and a lot of that was based on location.

I always said the words "I'm open to everywhere" with a little hesitance and I never understood why. Why didn't I believe myself? If I said it enough times would I convince myself that moving anywhere would be okay? I think the reason why I was hesitant is because I always found myself being directed back to New Jersey, so what was the point?

For myself, I am still finding where I want to go. But, I've realized that while New Jersey may be a part of this journey, it does not have to be the destination.

Searching...

The job search has begun.

It's a little crazy when you think about it. I started this blog on January 1, 2012--almost three years ago after being accepted as a NUFP. I remember being so excited thinking that one day the day would come where I would get to be a professional in higher education and three short years later, the time has come.

Coming back to Jersey for the holidays, visiting my undergrad is a definite stop. I always need to stop by to see my mentor and update her on my journey. It is crazy to think that three years ago, I was deciding on whether I was going to be a high school English teacher or be a higher education professional. I chose higher education because it changed my life. Of course, I had positive experience with caring teachers in K-12, but I was empowered when I went to college and that's exactly what I want to do: I want to empower students.

Reflecting on when I first started, this has been quite the journey. I've lost count of how many planes I've been on and how many articles I've read, but what I do remember are these moments. These moments of fulfillment when I see a student have an "aha" moment or the moment when I walk into my office and find a thank you note from a student. It is all these moments--for and from students--that have taken me on this path.

Many people come into higher education from various background and various reasons. A lot of them were students leaders on their campuses like I was and we want to continue to have an impact. Yes, this amongst other factors are reasons why I am in this field, but I think a lot of it comes down to these moments and the people we had these moments with. If you read my previous posts, it isn't hard to see that I pretty much worship my mentors. They have been my rocks, my big sisters--and everything in between. It is because of them and how much they pushed me that I grew into the woman I am today.

I came across this article earlier in the week called "What Students Remember Most About Teachers" and while it's addressed from an older teacher to a younger one, I think the messages are what's most important.

As educators, we can sometimes get so caught up on our projects and our busy schedules that we forget that our students don't always want flashy powerpoint presentations or nifty handouts--sometimes, it's not what we do for our students, but who we are. I think that's why I look up to my mentors so much. While I see them as successful, it is not the responsibilities they have or the position they hold that matters to me, it is the people that they are--that is what I strive to be.

As I am in the process of "searching,"--searching where I want to live, what I want to do, the type of school I want to work in, etc. The most important thing I have to search for is the person I want to be for myself, for my students, and for the world.

Bring it.

Feed Your Butterflies

It's always a little hard to stop myself during the semester to stop, write, and reflect through this blog, but I am grateful for the times that I do. I have five days before I finish the semester and find myself sick in bed, knowing deep down inside that I pushed my body too much these past few weeks. It's grad school, so it's always an on-going challenge of balancing my personal life, my school, and my work, but it is always a work in progress.

As the semester is coming to a close, lots of feelings are starting to surface: feelings of uncertainty, feelings of excitement, feelings of hope, but at the end of the day, I know it is normal to have all these feelings.

Time and time again, I say that life is a journey and my journey continues everyday. Finishing up this semester, I know I am one step closer to finishing a part of my journey and starting a new one.

In five months, I will have my Master's degree.
This will be the biggest accomplishment of my life so far, one that I never even imagined fulfilling just a few years ago. But it is the closer that I get to this accomplishment that these feelings start to arise. Where will I go next? How long is it going to take for it to feel like home? Will I love my job? Will I connect with students? Is this the place where I will start building my life? And the answer to all of these questions is I don't know.

It's a bit terrifying, to be honest. I took this leap of faith a year and a half ago moving to Miami to start grad school and the time is coming for me to take a leap once again. It was my first experience moving away from home and I continued on my journey when I lived in North Carolina during the summer. It's gotten a little bit easier, the whole transition thing. I know what to expect. I know that I have to make an effort to connect with different people and start finding the places I like to go and things I like to do, but it's a lot sometimes. As I think about my next journey, I try to think if this is it. Will my life be filled with moving around the country to continue doing what I love? Will finding home be not within places, but within myself? When will I finally pick one place to settle down? They are all questions I think about daily, but they are sometimes the questions that I force myself to put aside.

Sometimes, you just have to trust your gut--and Feed Your Butterflies.
It is a saying I first heard from my NUFP family and I decided it was the perfect phrase to describe my whole experience: Feed Your Butterflies. It is when you're nervous to do something, but there is just something in your gut telling you to go for it--to just do it. I feel that a lot of times, people have butterflies in their stomachs and they don't pay attention to them and they're too scared to take a risk. That is the moment when you need to take the risk. It is a message I continue to spread and teach to my students--a message that my mentors taught me: to work hard, take risks, live life and--most importantly--never settle.

It is a message that I am writing to myself to look back on in a few months when I start feelings those butterflies in my stomach, feed your butterflies.