Sigue Adelante

It's been about a year and a half since my last post.

I would have updated this earlier if I didn't think of myself as a failure this past year.

I took my GRE that time and applied to the doctorate program. I didn't get a "no," but I didn't get a "yes" either.
I got a year.
What came with that year was a multitude of feelings, but mostly those of anger, frustration, and doubt. For a brief moment in my life, I felt confident. Confident that I was going to get in. That's what all the voices surrounding me told me to the point where I believed it--and I was proven wrong. I was not ready.

I took the year to self-reflect about why I wanted to pursue a PhD. I took the feedback that was given and have worked tirelessly to really focus. I read and read and wrote and wrote and have spent hours thinking about all of this information I was putting into my head.

This week, I received notice that I was accepted into the doctorate program. In a handful of years, I will be Giovanna M. Tello, PhD.

It is not those letters after my name that will make the difference, but what will as a result of the education behind what I learn and produce. While I still struggle with my confidence at times, this process has only proven to me that this is something I have worked hard for and earned. Yet, this is only the first step. The journey will be a challenging one, but it will be worth it.

I can't help but to think of my parents in these moments.

As I sit in the library where I practically grew up, I remember the hours I would spend here: reading books, doing activities, and learning how to use the computer. It is because of moments like these that have instilled in me the value of learning and the value of education.

Years later, I continue to hold education close to my heart and have seen what an education has done for me and for my family. It is my responsibility to pay it forward.

Even though I felt like a failure a year ago, it is one year later and I am moving forward.

Sigue Adelante

Today is a Great Day. I Can and I Will.

I am currently sitting in a testing center about to take my GRE for the second time. This time, it is for my doctorate program. Anxious. I can do it. Today is a great dat. I can and I will.

We Meet Again

I'm sitting where I was three years ago.

At this hotel.

As I sit here and reflect, I think about where I was three years ago and how far my life has come since then.



It was three years ago when I was here for a conference and it is three years later and I am back for the same conference. I remember my first time walking into the hotel--astonished at everything, wondering how everything has come to be in my life.

I was a senior at MSU and came to this conference because I was very fortunate to receive an award for the work I have done with first year students at my undergrad. I was in a place where I was searching for the perfect graduate school and a place where I would spend the next two years of my life. A place I now call home.

Three years later, that part of my journey is over. I graduated and have my first full-time job and it's crazy to think what three years can bring to a person's life. I sit here excited, waiting to be with my higher ed family--MSU, FIU--and I am excited to see what this conference will bring.

While it may be three years, it is important to sit and reflect have far you have come--and how much farther you still need to go.


The Giovanna sitting in this chair is not the Giovanna that was here three years ago.

Lifting as We Climb

It's been five months since I've started my professional career and I feel like the work I do makes an impact everyday. It is rewarding to see the smile (and also a sense of relief) that I can bring to students. I feel the difference I make every single day and that feeling lets me know that I am doing what I am meant to do.

My reason for going into higher education isn't something I hide, but something I am proud about. It is mainly about my mentors: their challenges, their support, the opportunities they gave me, and for all the times they pushed me out of my comfort zone. They helped me to realize (and appreciate) who I am.

Starting my journey at FIU, this is the reason why I came here. I wanted to help students with the same challenges I faced and I could only hope to be a good role model to them. I've been fortunate to be able to have this opportunity to share with students and have them think beyond what they can see right now.

It is moments and students like these that drive me every single day.

"Lifting as We Climb" is a phrase I first heard when my mentor told me about a site called Latinas in Higher Education. As soon as I heard that phrase, it stuck to me and I really wasn't sure why. It made me think about having a responsibility to the people who come after me. While I just started my career, there are people who are still in high school or undergrad or searching for grad school and--even though I'm not too far ahead--it still makes a difference to lift as we climb.

I realize it is what my mentors did for me. I always wondered why. Why did they pick me to give these opportunities to? Why did they pick me to mentor? What was so special about me that I had people constantly pushing me up up up? Why me?

I look at some of my students and now I know why. Because--they too--are facing some of the challenges that I faced. Whether they know it or not, I see myself in them...and I know what they can become. Even if the experiences are different, it's the principle of overcoming what we sometimes feel we may never overcome and becoming what we sometimes feel we may never become.

That is why.

Big Girl Job

It's crazy to think that I started this blog three years ago in 2012 and how much I have grown since then. I remember sitting in my mentor's office working on my goals for the NUFP program and I thought that having a blog would be a good way to reflect on my journey to grad school. Three years have passed since and I have now stepped into my first professional role.

If it wasn't evident enough, the work that I did at FIU was something I fell in love with. I love being able to guide students through their college experience and there is just something about FIU that makes me feel like I am living the word "Opportunity." As a result, I accepted a position at FIU! YAY! This caught me off-guard and was not in my plans, but the opportunity came up and I knew I wasn't ready to leave.

So, I have actually moved to Miami now--investing in furniture, bills (gross), and even changing my address. It continues to be a transition since it's been about two months, but I know there's no place I'd rather be. While my professional journey has begun, I know there is a lot of growth that is happening (and will continue to happen) as I continue to get adjusted to my role. The only thing I can tell myself right now is to take it one day at a time.

M.S.Ed

It's official! I now have an M.S.Ed after my name.

It's crazy to think how much I've gone through and how much I've overcome these past two years. Bigger than that, I am grateful that I have been able to reach this moment in my life.

For my graduate symposium, I was selected to present on some of the work I've done during the past two years of graduate school. I picked a topic I have grown passionate about, especially from working at FIU and that is my work with Latino/s students. I titled my presentation: "Un Futuro con Esperanza (A Future with Hope): Access, Choice, and Retention of Latino/a Students in Higher Education." Essentially, it was about how it was important to not only make sure Latino/a students have the opportunity to get into college, but also make sure that they graduate with their degrees.

The background story comes from my experience as an undergraduate student. I remember sitting in my education classes as a freshman in college learning about the attainment gap. This gap that existed between minorities and education. It was shown by statistics. It was there; It was all there. People who identified themselves as minorities were barely graduating high school. I was lucky enough to be in college, sitting in that chair.

I remember leaving class that day feeling disheartened, knowing that the odds were against me. Yet, I guess I always had a little part of me that knew I was going to do whatever I needed to do to get my Bachelor's degree. Internally, I knew I was going to succeed, but I did not realize (until later on) the value it was to be a Latina with her Bachelor's degree.

I give all this credit to my mentor for calling me out one day in her office. I was in my junior year of college and I was still taking education classes and we had to bring in something from our culture and talk about it in class to share and learn about different cultures. I remember going into her office, telling her about my assignment and I tried to borrow something from her office as a quick escape from looking into something from my own culture, but she wouldn't let me. She told me that I had embrace who I was and it caught me a little off guard. She was right though. I was avoiding a part of me that was probably the most visible part of me: my identity as a Latina.

From that moment, I began to learn more about my culture and get more involved in Latino-related events and organizations in college. I began to appreciate my culture and learned to value what I brought to the table as a Latina instead of avoiding it, as I had in the past. I began to see that the challenges and barriers I faced in my life were more than just my challenges. They were challenges that mi cultura faced.

When I started to see this and realize that I was a part of something bigger than myself, I knew I had found my passion. I chose FIU because of the population of students--because I realize that it was my responsibility to help others like me. Education was the way minorities would become successful and I wanted to be that person to make sure I helped Latino/as not only get into college, but make sure they get an education and graduate.

And, so, I dedicated the past two years to this and have now dedicated my whole life to it.

The numbers are disheartening. While about 87% of Latinos value higher education, only 13% of them have a degree.

WHY isn't this number higher?

There are so many challenges based on identity, finances and culture. Right now, our minority students are not being supported as much as they should be, as much as they need to be--and something needs to be done.

So, to my 18-year old self and all those other minority students sitting in those high school and college classrooms: it is possible. You will earn your degrees. You are the future.

Once social change begins, it cannot be reversed.
You cannot uneducate the person who has learned to read.
You cannot humiliate the person who feels pride.
You cannot oppress the people who are not afraid anymore.
We have seen the future, and the future is ours. -Cesar Chavez

Location, Location, Location

As I've been looking through job postings, one of the factors that keeps standing out to me is location. I've organized everything to be similar to my grad school search in regards to having everything organized by institution, state, position, website, etc. While I have been taking a look at some really cool positions, I get a little hesitant when it comes to states.

I am a Jersey girl who had always been surrounded by the city--the fast-paced life of always rushing to go somewhere, see someone, or do something. It was a constant lifestyle, one I realized rarely gave me the time to stop and think--when I did, I felt like I was missing out. I felt the need to always be doing something. Looking for grad schools, I knew I could live in a big city and that is what I was primarily looking for because it was an environment I could survive in.

Now, if you haven't already heard of the familiar saying, there is a difference between surviving and thriving.

This is where my summer in North Carolina comes in. The lifestyle was so different, so calming. I could take the time to stop and think and reflect and feel at ease with myself. I didn't feel rushed or lost in a sea of faces, but I just felt that was how life was meant to be lived. To be honest, I think about North Carolina every day. I miss it. Of course, I miss the people I met, but I miss the times when I would go downtown by myself and just sit in the park or walk into a bookstore and just be.
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I was at my best friend's house last week and we were looking at a few TED talks and my best friend pulled this one up:

It is about taking advantage of the time in your 20s and not waiting until you are 30 to start your life. I had heard this TED talk before and I remembered seeing a book about this. I looked it up and it was a book by this TED talk speaker called The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter--and How to Make the Most of Them Now.

I bought it right then and there and it came in the mail today. The English major in me is already 1/4 done with the book and I found myself struggling trying to relate to this book. It seemed to be getting all these rave reviews, but it was just not connecting with me.

I consider myself very fortunate to have graduated from college knowing what I wanted to do and I think that is why I struggled to feel a connection to the book. I don't really feel lost. Sure, job searching is a little overwhelming, but I know I am in the right profession and field. I have the opportunity to be in graduate school and be studying something I love with a job I love.

I started to doubt my confidence reading through all these stories of people who felt completely lost and I started to wonder if this book was even for me. Being in your 20s is a time of exploration and figuring things out. By no means--I stress this--no means do I know it all. So, I challenged myself to try to think about this in a different perspective. Okay, this was a great read for me to help my students with major/career exploration, but I knew there had to be more.

I read about a story where a girl was in California and she "just wanted to go home" to Tennessee. I stopped to think about this because sometimes--I too--"just want to go home." Over the past two years, "home" has become something I find within myself--a connection to people, places, things and it has become less about New Jersey.
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When looking through these positions, I've come across positions all over the country in states like Oklahoma or South Dakota and I think to myself and I really going to do this? Will I really start a job in a state I don't see a future in? And then I started to think about where I actually saw my future and the answer was always New Jersey, New Jersey, New Jersey. I would go out into the world for a few years and return to Jersey when my parents would need help taking care of themselves and my life would continue where it started--in New Jersey.

When people ask me where I am looking to apply, I usually say, "I'm open to everywhere, but I think I'm going to focus on the east coast and eventually go back to New Jersey to take care of my parents." But this book had me thinking. What happens after I take care of my parents? Will I continue to live this life and come back to New Jersey? What do I want? And then I stopped reading. Because I had realized I kind of wanted what I wanted my parents to have, what they deserve--and a lot of that was based on location.

I always said the words "I'm open to everywhere" with a little hesitance and I never understood why. Why didn't I believe myself? If I said it enough times would I convince myself that moving anywhere would be okay? I think the reason why I was hesitant is because I always found myself being directed back to New Jersey, so what was the point?

For myself, I am still finding where I want to go. But, I've realized that while New Jersey may be a part of this journey, it does not have to be the destination.