Road Block

It's crazy to think that in a short two months, all my grad school apps will be in. I'm having trouble believing it and I'm not sure why. Going to MSU, I came in with the idea that I was going to walk out an aspiring English teacher. Through all my education classes, I learned about how the percentage of Latina women who earn their BA isn't very high. Thus, I considered myself lucky even graduating.

Somewhere along the way, things changed... I'm now in my senior year being a student leader on campus, having a job that I love, and an internship that I know I'm going to learn a lot in. I have met incredible people who have challenged me and believed in me, even in times when I didn't. Going from point A to point B has been a journey I never saw myself taking, but I'm glad I've taken this path. I have grown a tremendous amount, have realized I can do so much more than I thought I was originally capable of--and I'm kind of amazed...

Now, I'm in the process of searching for grad schools (something I never saw myself doing) and it's weird. COOL. I MEAN COOL. It's cool. I keep thinking of where I am going to be a year from now and I have no idea where that'll be. I have worked so hard, put my heart into so much of what I've done and now it's coming to a point where I have to look at the next step. I still can't believe I'm here. I can't believe I'm looking at grad schools and just taking a huge step towards my future. It truly does baffle me.

I just got off the phone with one of the grad interns I worked with last year, Mckinlaye, and she helped me a little with sorting through my list. I feel like I'm at a road block a little bit. I'm at 23 schools and I know I have to get to single digits very soon, but there's a piece of me that...I don't know. It's not that I can't, because I can. It's not that I don't want to, because I do. I just don't know what it is, but there's something holding me back.

I just randomly remembered something I wrote on my journalism portfolio in high school:

This is what I want--what I need. Who I am and who I will be. And this is it, isn't it?
This is the beginning of me.

*sigh* Time to take big steps, yo.