Ever since I told my parents the top five schools I'm going to apply to for graduate school, I've received resistance, especially from my mom. Dad hasn't said too much. It's been a little frustrating trying to get them to understand that what I'm doing is something good. I have worked extremely hard my time at MSU and know that I have so much more to learn and I can't fully embrace my graduate school experience if my parents keep tugging me back and not letting me go.
It seems that this is something that reoccurs within families generation after generation, especially in the Latino culture. Whenever I talk to Michele about the latest reason why my mom says I'm not allowed to go to a grad school that includes me leaving home, she reminds me that she went through similar experiences when she was in my shoes. So, I've been thinking about it for a while now.
My aunt, uncle, cousin, and little cousin are here for the weekend and seeing how everyone treats my little cousin brings so much to light for me. Any little thing he did, one of them would chase him down or tell him to stop. Every time, there was a call for danger I heard a: "You're going to hurt yourself." "You're going to break something." "You can't do that." It literally came to the point where I could tell they would say that to him so often that he actually believed it. I just sat there observing my little cousin as he doubted himself. I'd hear him say things such as "I can't do that; I'm too small." "I can't do that; I'm not strong enough."
I know he's only three and my family does everything for his safety and because they don't want him to get hurt, but I think there are long-term effects to the way they treat him. Hearing the words "I can't" coming out of my three year-old little cousin kind of baffled me. He's three. He's at a point in his life which he shouldn't care about those things. He should be eager to explore and learn about things and it seems that he's only allowed to explore within "the safety zone."
It had me thinking that I was probably raised the same way. My parents were (and still are) super over-protective of me. They want me to stay in "the safety zone" because stepping outside of it has a higher potential for risk--and no parent wants their child at risk. I get that; I do, but what I also know is that I have to take these risks. I have to challenge myself. I know I have the potential to do anything I want as long as I stay focused.
So, when does the "I can't" turn into the "I can"?
I don't know.
All I know that my moment is now. Without knowing, my parents have pushed me to the end of "the safety zone" and--now--it's time for me to cross that line. It's a good thing! I always tell them that means they did a good job! hahaha I know they're nervous and concerned for me, but it's time for me to take that leap of faith. It's time for me to say and believe for myself that "I can."
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