This Jersey Girl is in North Carolina!

It's been a little while since my last post, but it's been a solid five weeks here in North Carolina. My journey has taken me here during my summer internship and it's been an amazing experience so far!

There is a saying that goes, "Everything happens for a reason" and I believe me being here has been more than just an internship. It's been an amazing life experience.

I remember looking through piles of schools to apply to and looking at UNC Asheville. It was completely different than what I was used to with me always being in a large school and in a city. I remember sitting with one of my RAs and talking to her about there was just something...different...about the school and I so I applied. From the first conversation I had with everyone in the office, I was hooked. I felt an immediate connection that made me realize this "fit" people always seem to talk about. Luckily, I was offered the position and the experience has been perfect. It's everything I wanted out of this internship and more. I had the ability to work with an amazing group of people and supervise 15 amazing orientation leaders. I get to work with my co-grad who has introduced me to North Carolina and been able to work with our head orientation leader who is pretty much the most amazing student leader I've ever met in my life. No biggie. hahaha

In moments like these, I'm thankful for my mentors because they not only helped me to prep for this experience, but always guide me through self-reflection. Taking on this experience has been more than just an internship for me. It's been a way for me to pay it forward.

Ever since I was a Peer Leader, I always looked up to our graduate interns (we called them GIs). They were people who supported me during my first year as a Peer Leader and helped me to come out of my shell. They were people who challenged me in overcoming my self-doubt and they were people who were ultimately the strongest role models for me going into my grad school program. Even years later, I still continue to keep in touch with a few of them and they continue to support me on my journey.

I was actually skimming through my past posts a little while ago and I kept writing about Liz. Liz was one of my GIs when I was Peer Leader Coordinator my last year in the Peer Leadership Program. There were many challenges that year, but Liz always made sure to give me extra support when I was feeling stressed out and always had such a positive attitude that made me realize what it meant to be a great leader. It is because of people like Liz that I wanted to take on this role as an intern--to provide that support, but also challenge my students to help them to grow.

While the OLs were only here for three weeks, I feel like I was able to fulfill that role. I don't know how to describe it, but they were able to come up to me and make me laugh or tell me about their day or help them with concerns they had and it was amazing. I just think it's the biggest honor to be able to work with and help students. It's what makes me want my mentor's job time and time again. We looked up to her and respected her so much and just loved spending time with her and I couldn't help but to feel that--hopefully--my OLs felt that way about me too.

As the summer has gone on, I have come to realize that within the matter of two months, I will have lived in three states. It's crazy. This grad school thing really is a journey. I have come to love North Carolina. It's only been a few weeks, but it already feels like home, which is something I sometimes struggle with when I'm in Miami (and sometimes even in Jersey). Everyday, I think about what makes "home." Is it the people? Is it the culture? Is it food? Is it the weather?

There's just so much to factor in. Sometimes, I don't know where to start. I guess...it's just part of the journey.

"It Goes On..."

Coming back home after being away for eight months has been a little more challenging than I thought it would be. While in grad school, I thought about home everyday and missed it a lot. I would tell my students about the wonders of the great state of New Jersey and how there were just some things that were missing from Florida.

Besides things like food, the thing I missed the most were the people: my best friend, family, and mentors were the people I missed the most. What I think has to change for the future is learning to manage relationships from a far. I had a conversation with my mentor the other day about coming home. Yes, I miss people and I am trying to visit as many people as I can, but--at the end of the day--people have their own lives.

There is this famous quote by Robert Frost which ends with the following:

In three words I can sum up everything
I've learned about life: it goes on.

These are a few words that continue to play in my head during my journey. It reminds me that my life is changing as well as other people's lives as changing as well--and it is changing for the better. Yes, it is a struggle at times to not be next to my best friend of to not be able to give my parents a hug, but I think it is part of this whole thing called life. I am at a point in my life where I have worked hard for years and have been given the opportunity to go beyond my home to pursue my dreams. I am starting my own life and now it's just up to me to build the life I envision for myself.

One Year Later!

It's been almost a whole year since my last post! I completed my first year of grad school and it has been an amazing experience so far! It's been a while since I've written for fun/reflective purposes, but it is now something I want to start up again.

Here I am on the summer after the first year of grad school.

It's time for some hardcore self-reflection.

It's Been A While..

It's definitely been a while and a lot has changed. I have picked my grad school and am super excited to started. As I recently graduated, I started to clean my room today and started to take down all the certificates and started gathering all the things I've been given during my time at MSU. I had to stop a few times to just think about how much I have grown and how incredibly grateful I am for all the love and support I have been given.

Sure, I might have graduated, but I definitely would not have been the person I am today if it were not for my mentors. They all support me and really do take care of me when I need it. At the same time, they push me and challenge me and--that--is what I am most grateful for.

One my mentors recently accepted a new position and it was definitely weird to see her go. It hasn't been that long and I already miss her. Going away for grad school, the thing I'm not looking forward is missing people. I have established such strong connections which so many people. It's not that they'll go away--the just change. Change is good, but it's weird too. I can no longer bop into my mentor's office everyday for our morning chats and there's a little part of me that gets sad when I remember that. Thinking about that, I start to think about everyone else: my family, my best friend, my other mentors and how all our relationships will change.

As a graduation present, my mentor, Yosayra, gave me a copy of Oh, the Places You'll Go. I sat on my bed yesterday and read it. As I read it, I couldn't help to think that this is the perfect book for her to have given me. It's real. It talked about how there's good and bad stuff that happen, but you got to push through and believe in yourself and you'll be successful--and that's the message she always gives me.

Here's a text copy I found online:http://denuccio.net/ohplaces.html

Change is coming, but change is good...and cool. ...And I'll be okay.

Leadership Development Plan

As the capstone of my leadership minor, I'm taking the final course in Leadership Development. While my brain is on overflow with theories and competencies and such, I'm wrapping everything up in my Leadership Development Plan.

Reflecting on my past semester, I've definitely learned a lot about leadership, students, and myself. I'm one question away from finishing and I came across this question: What help do you need or want as you begin this journey? Who can provide it? What can you do to make sure you get it?

The first person that came to mind was my mentor. Thinking about everything has made me realize how much of an impact she has had on me in my journey. And this is what I wrote as my response: In achieving my vision, the person I look up to the most is my mentor. What I have found that helps me to succeed is the encouragement that she gives me. As my time at MSU is coming to an end, my mentor is very set on making me more independent and confident in the decisions I decide to pursue. At the end of the day, she has taught me that I need to find these things in myself. I have to be confident in my abilities and in the decisions I make in order for me to become the type of leader I want to be.

Through everything, I learned that, yeah, having people support you helps along the way, but in order for me to really make some change and achieve my vision, I've gotta believe in myself.

There's a little piece of me that's starting to realize my last semester is approaching. Last week, Yosayra gave me a Christmas card telling me how she's gonna miss me and my sassiness and it made me sad.


*sigh*

It's Thanksgiving Break!

Yes! It's Thanksgiving break and I have five papers and three presentations due by Wednesday. I'm actually moving through them pretty swiftly, but it's still a lot to do. I officially submitted my first grad school application last week and will be submitting my next one on Monday. Submitting my first app was definitely a huge weight off my shoulders and I've been feeling a lot less overwhelmed since then.

Before Winter Break, I want to have everything submitted so I can fully embrace my break. It is a well-deserved one. This semester has been insane with work and everything else in the mix. I definitely have a better idea of how to work things out for next semester...

Things have been going well. I just wanted to update because it's been a while. Apps are being submitted, things aren't too bad. I've learned to take it a little easy with things and not get crazy about things, but it's a learning process. *sigh* The process continues!

I Can't to I Can

Ever since I told my parents the top five schools I'm going to apply to for graduate school, I've received resistance, especially from my mom. Dad hasn't said too much. It's been a little frustrating trying to get them to understand that what I'm doing is something good. I have worked extremely hard my time at MSU and know that I have so much more to learn and I can't fully embrace my graduate school experience if my parents keep tugging me back and not letting me go.

It seems that this is something that reoccurs within families generation after generation, especially in the Latino culture. Whenever I talk to Michele about the latest reason why my mom says I'm not allowed to go to a grad school that includes me leaving home, she reminds me that she went through similar experiences when she was in my shoes. So, I've been thinking about it for a while now.

My aunt, uncle, cousin, and little cousin are here for the weekend and seeing how everyone treats my little cousin brings so much to light for me. Any little thing he did, one of them would chase him down or tell him to stop. Every time, there was a call for danger I heard a: "You're going to hurt yourself." "You're going to break something." "You can't do that." It literally came to the point where I could tell they would say that to him so often that he actually believed it. I just sat there observing my little cousin as he doubted himself. I'd hear him say things such as "I can't do that; I'm too small." "I can't do that; I'm not strong enough."

I know he's only three and my family does everything for his safety and because they don't want him to get hurt, but I think there are long-term effects to the way they treat him. Hearing the words "I can't" coming out of my three year-old little cousin kind of baffled me. He's three. He's at a point in his life which he shouldn't care about those things. He should be eager to explore and learn about things and it seems that he's only allowed to explore within "the safety zone."

It had me thinking that I was probably raised the same way. My parents were (and still are) super over-protective of me. They want me to stay in "the safety zone" because stepping outside of it has a higher potential for risk--and no parent wants their child at risk. I get that; I do, but what I also know is that I have to take these risks. I have to challenge myself. I know I have the potential to do anything I want as long as I stay focused.


So, when does the "I can't" turn into the "I can"?

I don't know.

All I know that my moment is now. Without knowing, my parents have pushed me to the end of "the safety zone" and--now--it's time for me to cross that line. It's a good thing! I always tell them that means they did a good job! hahaha I know they're nervous and concerned for me, but it's time for me to take that leap of faith. It's time for me to say and believe for myself that "I can."