Leadership Development Plan

As the capstone of my leadership minor, I'm taking the final course in Leadership Development. While my brain is on overflow with theories and competencies and such, I'm wrapping everything up in my Leadership Development Plan.

Reflecting on my past semester, I've definitely learned a lot about leadership, students, and myself. I'm one question away from finishing and I came across this question: What help do you need or want as you begin this journey? Who can provide it? What can you do to make sure you get it?

The first person that came to mind was my mentor. Thinking about everything has made me realize how much of an impact she has had on me in my journey. And this is what I wrote as my response: In achieving my vision, the person I look up to the most is my mentor. What I have found that helps me to succeed is the encouragement that she gives me. As my time at MSU is coming to an end, my mentor is very set on making me more independent and confident in the decisions I decide to pursue. At the end of the day, she has taught me that I need to find these things in myself. I have to be confident in my abilities and in the decisions I make in order for me to become the type of leader I want to be.

Through everything, I learned that, yeah, having people support you helps along the way, but in order for me to really make some change and achieve my vision, I've gotta believe in myself.

There's a little piece of me that's starting to realize my last semester is approaching. Last week, Yosayra gave me a Christmas card telling me how she's gonna miss me and my sassiness and it made me sad.


*sigh*

It's Thanksgiving Break!

Yes! It's Thanksgiving break and I have five papers and three presentations due by Wednesday. I'm actually moving through them pretty swiftly, but it's still a lot to do. I officially submitted my first grad school application last week and will be submitting my next one on Monday. Submitting my first app was definitely a huge weight off my shoulders and I've been feeling a lot less overwhelmed since then.

Before Winter Break, I want to have everything submitted so I can fully embrace my break. It is a well-deserved one. This semester has been insane with work and everything else in the mix. I definitely have a better idea of how to work things out for next semester...

Things have been going well. I just wanted to update because it's been a while. Apps are being submitted, things aren't too bad. I've learned to take it a little easy with things and not get crazy about things, but it's a learning process. *sigh* The process continues!

I Can't to I Can

Ever since I told my parents the top five schools I'm going to apply to for graduate school, I've received resistance, especially from my mom. Dad hasn't said too much. It's been a little frustrating trying to get them to understand that what I'm doing is something good. I have worked extremely hard my time at MSU and know that I have so much more to learn and I can't fully embrace my graduate school experience if my parents keep tugging me back and not letting me go.

It seems that this is something that reoccurs within families generation after generation, especially in the Latino culture. Whenever I talk to Michele about the latest reason why my mom says I'm not allowed to go to a grad school that includes me leaving home, she reminds me that she went through similar experiences when she was in my shoes. So, I've been thinking about it for a while now.

My aunt, uncle, cousin, and little cousin are here for the weekend and seeing how everyone treats my little cousin brings so much to light for me. Any little thing he did, one of them would chase him down or tell him to stop. Every time, there was a call for danger I heard a: "You're going to hurt yourself." "You're going to break something." "You can't do that." It literally came to the point where I could tell they would say that to him so often that he actually believed it. I just sat there observing my little cousin as he doubted himself. I'd hear him say things such as "I can't do that; I'm too small." "I can't do that; I'm not strong enough."

I know he's only three and my family does everything for his safety and because they don't want him to get hurt, but I think there are long-term effects to the way they treat him. Hearing the words "I can't" coming out of my three year-old little cousin kind of baffled me. He's three. He's at a point in his life which he shouldn't care about those things. He should be eager to explore and learn about things and it seems that he's only allowed to explore within "the safety zone."

It had me thinking that I was probably raised the same way. My parents were (and still are) super over-protective of me. They want me to stay in "the safety zone" because stepping outside of it has a higher potential for risk--and no parent wants their child at risk. I get that; I do, but what I also know is that I have to take these risks. I have to challenge myself. I know I have the potential to do anything I want as long as I stay focused.


So, when does the "I can't" turn into the "I can"?

I don't know.

All I know that my moment is now. Without knowing, my parents have pushed me to the end of "the safety zone" and--now--it's time for me to cross that line. It's a good thing! I always tell them that means they did a good job! hahaha I know they're nervous and concerned for me, but it's time for me to take that leap of faith. It's time for me to say and believe for myself that "I can."

"Do It."

OKAY! Well, ever since the last post, my grad school list has definitely progressed! After talking to Liz one day, I decided that it's time I finally get a move on this list! I believe I went from about 26 to 12 schools within half an hour of talking with her telling me to just "do it". I think that was a pretty pivotal moment in my search because I had been feeling this roadblock for such a long time. Since then, I've met with Yosayra and she helped me to filter a few more things out on last week. I guess it came to the point where Yosayra had to push me because I wasn't really moving along past 10 or so schools. (Liz said she used Challenge and Support theory on me.... -___- ) Well, it's working hahaha Yosayra said I should have my final schools by Monday (today) because I should really start working on my application process and she's right.

There's just a piece of me that's very careful with this whole process and I don't want to feel like I made any mistakes. I know I shouldn't be saying that because it'll all be a learning experience, but that's just how a little piece of me feels. I have four definite schools I'm applying to and I have three "maybes," which I'm going to look into after finishing this post.

This weekend has been pretty rough. Filtering through schools makes this more and more real. There's been parts of me that have been scared if I'll even get accepted into a program, nervous about leaving home, and, well, just...I don't know... overwhelmed I guess by everything this whole process entails.

I was just looking at the U of MD and they usually have like 120 applicants and only about 15 get in. FIFTEEN! Like what. It kind of had me thinking about the competition I'm going to be having when applying to these programs. Only 15 people, that's insane. But then something Michele told me once popped up in my head. I'm ready. That's it. I'm ready.

I have been working so hard during my time at college. I have put my heart into everything I've done. I have that eagerness to learn, enthusiasm, and dedication. I've had these incredible experiences from being PLC to going to a national conference in Arizona. I'm committed to this, yo. I can do this.

I'm great. I'm awesome. I'm THE BEST.


Confident, not Cocky.

Road Block

It's crazy to think that in a short two months, all my grad school apps will be in. I'm having trouble believing it and I'm not sure why. Going to MSU, I came in with the idea that I was going to walk out an aspiring English teacher. Through all my education classes, I learned about how the percentage of Latina women who earn their BA isn't very high. Thus, I considered myself lucky even graduating.

Somewhere along the way, things changed... I'm now in my senior year being a student leader on campus, having a job that I love, and an internship that I know I'm going to learn a lot in. I have met incredible people who have challenged me and believed in me, even in times when I didn't. Going from point A to point B has been a journey I never saw myself taking, but I'm glad I've taken this path. I have grown a tremendous amount, have realized I can do so much more than I thought I was originally capable of--and I'm kind of amazed...

Now, I'm in the process of searching for grad schools (something I never saw myself doing) and it's weird. COOL. I MEAN COOL. It's cool. I keep thinking of where I am going to be a year from now and I have no idea where that'll be. I have worked so hard, put my heart into so much of what I've done and now it's coming to a point where I have to look at the next step. I still can't believe I'm here. I can't believe I'm looking at grad schools and just taking a huge step towards my future. It truly does baffle me.

I just got off the phone with one of the grad interns I worked with last year, Mckinlaye, and she helped me a little with sorting through my list. I feel like I'm at a road block a little bit. I'm at 23 schools and I know I have to get to single digits very soon, but there's a piece of me that...I don't know. It's not that I can't, because I can. It's not that I don't want to, because I do. I just don't know what it is, but there's something holding me back.

I just randomly remembered something I wrote on my journalism portfolio in high school:

This is what I want--what I need. Who I am and who I will be. And this is it, isn't it?
This is the beginning of me.

*sigh* Time to take big steps, yo.

The Beginning of the End: Senior Year

WELL, here it is in all its glory: senior year. I handed in my final audit this week and it felt weird for a little bit. It hasn't fully settled in yet, but I'm okay with that. I've still got a lot more things to do before I graduate. (Yes, I'm able to say the "g" word now.) I know I'll be okay though and things will work out. I'm sure it'll start to settle in next semester and I'll be zig-zagging again down the halls of Morehead Hall.

I started my internship two weeks ago and it's really cool. My main project is a research project where I'm working on a survey that's going to be sent campus-wide about religion and faith on-campus and in the classroom. I'm pretty excited about it because it'll give me a taste of what doing research is all about! I've also been to three programs and a meeting of the Latin American Student Organization, which were all really eye-opening. It's definitely going to be a great experience and I can tell my supervisor's dedicated to giving me a great experience.

I'm a Peer Advisor this year for CAST again and, well, it's CAST. It's my home. I'm only there two times a week because my schedule literally doesn't leave me any room to work any other days, which is bummer. Regardless, I try to make the most out of my 11 hours in the office. The search for grad schools continues and the support I have from the people at CAST is incredible. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't be pushing myself as much as I am right now. I'm not getting much support from my folks at home about going out-of-state to go to grad school, so the support from the CAST staff means a lot to me...

I was talking to Michele yesterday and we were talking about advising (wow, okay, I sound like the biggest nerd). Well, that's what we were talking about and then she saw on my laptop about the FYE Fellowship and I was a little hesitant to do it because I feel like I have so much to do in so little time, but I think I'm going to do it. It's hard because I'm trying to balance being a student, work, my internship, searching for grad schools, studying for GREs and to add one more thing on my plate seems like a lot. I'm working really hard on everything--most importantly my school work (I'm determined to get a 4.0 this semester)--and it's exhausting. But, I know it's all going to be worth it in the end. Sure, my weekends are super lame, but I'm kind of okay with that because I know I'm giving my all to what I want in the long run.

To get back to what I was saying, I'm taking an organizational psychology class and our main assignment is creating an organization and every few weeks or so we have to talk about different aspects of our organization. For Monday, we're talking about the culture of the organization and I was talking to Liz about it a few days ago about how culture makes a difference in how people function in an organization. (I need to stop saying nerdy things!) Anyways, I was asking Michele about it because--if it isn't obvious--I love CAST's culture. You should have seen the look on her face. I don't even know how to describe it, but I think she saw something in me at that moment. It was really weird. hahaha So, she got out one of her books and gave me people's names that I could look up to learn about organizational culture and I found an article that I'm going to use on my assignment, which I'm really excited about! But yeah, it's just...moments like that make me realize Higher Ed is what I want to do. It's crazy, but I thank CAST for feeding my intellectual hunger hahahaha

So how I mentioned before, I was talking to Liz a days ago about the random higher ed talks we have and it was really cool A) because I got to see her after almost two months B) because it's Liz (duh) hahaha. I know it hasn't been that long, but I really miss the Liz and almost every time I go into work, at least one of us mention how much we miss our GIs. It's really weird just because I've kept in touch with our GIs from past years, but never to this extent. But, it's an awesome thing, so that's good. Talking to Liz this week made me feel so much better about so many things. I got to vent about a few things (haha) and just the random conversations we get into about higher ed are always so cool. (When is the nerdiness going to stop?) They really are though and I always love all the advice Liz gives me along the way...

Well, the journey shall continue. I think things will start to calm down around December. LOL Until then, ninja mode is on max.

Perspective, Priorities, and Purpose

So I've been working on this grad school list since I finished up PL and it's coming along. It's been weird though. In a year, I'll be getting ready to go to grad school, start a new chapter in my life, and begin to develop myself as a student affairs professional. It really just baffles me. I've been working with first-year students all summer and I never forgot what my orientation was like, my peer leader, and my whole first year as a whole. I remember it so vividly, but now, the beginning of the end is here: senior year.

There's a piece of me that's always freaking out and while the thought of grad school excites me, it scares me as well. Last time I was talking to Michele about grad school, she called me out because I was literally gripping onto my clipboard as I was talking to her about it. It's just a different experience and something new--a transition--and I'm nervous, but I'm glad because she always give me reassurance.

During transfer orientation last night, I was talking to her about how I've started my search and although I'm moving along, I'm a little unsure if I'm doing everything I'm suppose to be doing. I told her I'm still nervous, even though I know that I'll be okay, I'm just still nervous. So she sent me this article called "From the Barrio to the Academy: Revelations of a Mexican American 'Scholarship Girl'" by Laura I. Rendon. It kind of just talked about this woman who is high ed professional and how when she was going to go to college and grad school, she got some resistance from her parents and she was nervous to leave, but she followed through with her dreams and now she has her doctorate and works in higher ed. So I've kinda been focusing on that part of the article since there were some parts that I could really relate to and...I don't know...I've just been thinking about it. The end of the article talked about how institutions of higher education change minority students, but the students should change the institutions too.

So I sent Michele my initial reaction to the article and this is what I got back:

Reading that just made me smile. It's so cool that Michele shared that with me and I can't wait to talk with her about it. I remember that when I was going to Arizona, I was telling her how my parents were reacting and she briefly mentioned how her parents didn't let her go too far for her undergrad and it was just a Latino parent kind of thing, I guess. But--now that I think of it--I think she went to Alaska for grad school? I remember her telling me she used to live there one time... Hm. Maybe Michele and I have a lot more in common than I thought we did hahaha =]

What has me thinking the most is that last sentence: It has had a huge impact on my perspective, priorities, and purpose. So, entering my senior year and getting ready to apple to grad school, what's my perspective, priority, and purpose?

The End of an Era

I made it!!!!!!! hahahahaha

I don't even know where to begin. We had our banquet last week and now I'm just at home chillin'. Well, I still have my cough and a sore throat, but I'm on antibiotics, so ninja is on her way to being back to 110% =]

Like how I mentioned in my last post, being PLC is definitely a challenge. I have grown a lot and learned a whole lot from the position and from the PL Program in general. I am so so so so so grateful to have been given this opportunity three times. It's almost too good to be true because I know there are some people who never get this opportunity at all... Thinking back on all three years, it's crazy how much I've grown from this experience. I remember my first year and how quiet I was and how Jason helped me break out of my shell my first year. It was only a few years ago, but it feels like such a long time ago.

The banquet was a nice wrap up of everything. I'm so proud of everyone and how much they've grown... In my eyes, everyone has grown--even if it's only a little bit--from this experience. This team was phenomenal. Yeah, we had our ups and downs, but all good teams do and it's fine as long as we make ourselves better, together.

It's weird because in the back of my mind this whole summer, I kept thinking if I was doing a good job. Yeah, I had Yosayra, Lindsay, and Liz told me I was doing a good job lots of times, but--to be honest--hearing it from my peers made me feel like I was really doing a good job. I was literally showered with love at the banquet. I got the award for most dedicated and passionate and the above and beyond award too! What kind of caught me off guard was how I was going up to get the award and I saw my roommate, Anny, stand up and start clapping for me and then (I guess I took a bit to walk up there) I was in the front of the room and the whole room gave me a standing ovation. Even thinking of it now, I'm still baffled by it. I've never...had that happen to me before. It was so weird, but so amazing and rewarding at the same time. A bunch of the PLs also came together and bought me a new iPad case (with a keyboard!!) and it's going to be so helpful once classes start! I also got a frame with pictures from my past three years as a PL and one with my name and words that people described me with. Gosh, I feel so happy inside.

It's just rewarding. I hope I never ever forget those moments. I got thank you cards and people wrote the sweetest things in them and I put all of them up on my door so I can see it everyday. Wow. Gosh. It's just weird... This year was different. I went back to the apartment after the banquet and cried. It's just weird. People kept thanking me for everything and wrote how they look up to me and I'm a role model for them---like what? I've never had so many people look at me that way before... But, it's good though. It makes me want to become a better person because people look up to me. =]

My roommate, Anny, brought our room together after the banquet with Liz and she thanked each of us and gave us presents, which was really cute. She made me a dream catcher and a key chain holder. What she said keeps playing over and over again in my head: "Girl, I don't even know where to begin. I look up to you so much because you show me that when you work really hard for something, you can do anything."

Well, I didn't do this by myself. Yosayra was a super mentor during these past few months because, well, she had to deal with me. lol. It was cool though, she was there for me when I needed to vent and--now that I think of it--she kind let me do my own thing. She just gave me her advice and support and then it was up to me to figure out what I was going to do. Aw, mentor love right here. I keep learning things from her, even in just watching how she supervises us. I hope I'll be an awesome supervisor like her one day. Yeah, she still scares me sometimes, but I think all of the PLs really looked up to her. She was real with us and--let's face it--us college folks like real people. hahaha.

Lindsay the RockStar. I'm really glad she let me use her office every time we had to make phone calls because even though it took me 2x longer to make calls, I didn't really mind because I'd always leave chuckling. The day she took me out for dinner is probably what kept me from going crazy this summer because it just served as a reminder how much everyone cares about me. Oh, and did I ever talk about Lindsay's expectations? They're really high. hahahaha It's good though. Lindsay always teaches me that I can always do better.

Liz! Liz, oh, Liz. This experience would have been completely different if we didn't have Liz. Liz is so awesome and so cool and--even right now--I miss her a lot. There' s a piece of me that feels like my best friend moved away when Liz left, but we're still keeping in touch, so that keeps me happy. =] Liz is amazing. She was always so caring and listened to me when I went off on rants and, honestly, our team wouldn't have developed so much if it weren't for her help. It's weird, but I think we both agreed that we felt like we were going to see each other again some day. I bet the world of student affairs will reunite us one day.

*sigh* Well, I think this marks the end of an era. (Well, at least for me it does.)

=]

"So I Brought You an Ice Cream Sandwich..."

Well, I really don't know where to begin. There were so many things going through my head last week. All I can say is that being a PL never fails to challenge me...
I guess I'll start with Lindsay. We got to have a talk session last week which was really cool and something I now realize I needed. This job can get overwhelming sometimes. It feels like people always come to me--and I love it, but at the same time, it's a lot. I have all these concerns swirling in my head all the time and they're just not going away. I keep thinking about this job. I was getting better at separating my life and work, but sometimes, I feel like I'm going backwards.
It's really hard though, especially during PL. It's like the work never stops. I don't just work with these people, I live with them too and people will bring up random concerns or questions to me at random times, so it's hard to have that balance. What I'm conflicted with is trying to help people, but helping myself too. I love that people can come to me and talk to me and they look up to me and stuff, but I'm not a superhero. I don't want people to stop coming to me, but at the same time, I want to just have time to focus on myself too...
Ever since my talk with Lindsay, I've been feeling a little better. I try to keep some things she told me in mind like set your boundaries, or that maybe people just want you to listen to them... To take care of myself because no one else will if I don't.
I think things are getting better as a whole about this whole experience though... One of the PLs came up to me the other night and thanked me for everything and gave me an ice cream sandwich, which was so cute that I started to cry. lol I love my roommates a lot and I continue to have bonding sessions with people and it's not even so much as me in my Plc role, but me in a friend role, which is kind of nice. We have a really good team, we really do.
It's rough sometimes, but I'm really glad I have people who helped along the way. Our grad intern, Liz, is amazing. She's so easy to talk to and she kind of just gets me. The more I get to know about her, the more in common we seem to have, which is really cool. I look up to her a lot, especially since she's still in grad school and studying student affairs. I can kind of see myself like her in two years, which probably sounds really weird, but yeah hahaha
I really have no idea what I would do without Yosayra and Lindsay. Their support and belief in me is what keeps me going. I'm glad I have a strong relationship with them because, sometimes, I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to and they're always there to help me out. Sure, sometimes they might spoil me, but I really, really appreciate everything they do for me. They are the best mentors in the whole, wide world. =]

Summer Has Just Begun

It's been a while! Everything's been so hectic since the start of PL in the beginning of the month...actually last month. (I just realized it's July--seriously?) Well, I haven't really been able to catch my breath and I decided this weekend was going to be a good weekend to come home, relax, and just take a step away from everything for a little bit.

I haven't really gotten a chance to stop and self-reflect about everything I'm experiencing this summer, so I figure a good blog post would be a good starter. Well, I can honestly say there is never a dull moment in being a peer leader. This year's team is amazing. There are no words to describe it, but everyone is really open and understanding to each other and I'm not gonna lie--the whole team surprised me because I never expected that!

This year is different in that being PLC is really teaching me a lot. It's weird though. I think I expected something a little different. I feel like the past two years, I felt like I was pushed out of my comfort level and--through that--discovered a new level of potential that I have. I kind of expected the same thing for this year, but it doesn't really feel that way.

During everything so far, there have been moments when I was initially nervous about something, but I knew deep down inside that I could do it. During the retreat, there was a little piece of me that didn't think I could go through the high-ropes course and zip-line down and I'm sure I was pretty certain for a few weeks that I was going to throw up in the transitions skit because I was so nervous. But, I did both and I'm really proud of myself, but for some reason, I didn't feel as I was pushed out of my comfort zone. I didn't really doubt myself, I was just nervous. I'm not really sure what it means. Hm.

I'm definitely still challenged, no doubt about that. It's really hard to be a team leader--really hard. I sometimes wonder what thoughts went through the minds of the two PLCs before me during their summers. I love this team so much and I'm giving my all into making us a really strong team, but it's hard sometimes. I guess I try to make things perfect, even though they can't be. I just want everyone to have a positive experience, that's all.

With that said, I think I'll head to bed. There's more to think about, but my mind is cleared for now. Good night, world!

Confidence

So, I went to go have lunch with Yosayra today and Michele and her daughter joined us too, which was really cute hahaha It was really nice though, just kind of a chance to talk about things and relax, which is kind of what I've been looking to do with the people I work with since we're not in complete crazy mode right now lol

My search for grad school has begun and I have a list about 60 schools along the East Coast--yes, 60. I'm going through them one by one looking at programs and assistantships and anything else that might peek my interest. It's hard going through so many schools, but I want my options to be open. If need be, I'll go past the East Coast. I guess I really want this.

Anyways, Yosayra and I talked about my end-of-year evaluation in the program. It's due in a few weeks, but orientation season is right around the corner and I know there's no way there's going to be time for us to sit down and talk. I'm really glad I chose Yosayra to serve as my mentor for this program. She really just...gets me. It makes things a lot easier because I don't have to really spend that much time explaining how I feel or anything because she's compassionate and has really taken the effort to get to know me. Actually, now that I think of it, I've only know her for like...a year and a half and I've learned so much from her.

I've grown a lot this year from being a Fellow and I've met some pretty awesome people and couldn't be more grateful for how lucky I am. What Yosayra said I needed to keep working on was my confidence. It's frustrating, but I know she's right. I need to just trust myself. The thing is like, I feel like I do, but realizing how much I rely on my mentor makes me think differently. I'm definitely on my way; I know that. I guess I just think there's like...another level that I don't know yet, something I have yet to reach, but I don't know how to get there and I guess that's where my challenge lies. I know I can do these things. I KNOW I can. I have the ability to, but at the same time, I'm just so damn careful about everything going right all the time that that's my weakness. That's it, isn't it? I'm confident in what I know I can do, but I struggle when it comes to things I've never done before.

I have to push myself out of my comfort zone and trust myself that I'm going to be okay. There's one sentence that Yosayra wrote that really stood out to me: "I have what I call a tough love approach with her because I see so much potential for her and believe she can do anything she sets her mind to." I think it's just awesome that my mentor believes in me this much and as much as I rely on her, I know deep down (really deep down) inside that I'm doing a disservice to myself. Sometimes, yeah, I do appreciate the tough love because I know it's what I need.

Peer Leadership starts back up again soon and while I know it's going to be a lot of fun, I know I'm going to be running into challenges as well. I know a lot is going to fall on my shoulders, but I just have to remember my role is to help lead the team, not be the team. I have to trust myself too. I know my mentor's not going to be able to always be there. Orientation season is crazy and there isn't going to be time for confidence boosters. I have to learn to provide these for myself.

The reason why I love Peer Leadership so much is because of the challenge. I've continuously been challenged, and I only expect this year to be my biggest challenge so far. I've grown a lot since I first started the program two years ago and I keep coming back because I want more. I just have to step up and take them on. I don't know what I'm so afraid of. I can do it. I know I can.

The "S" and the "G" Word

Junior year is done. Junior year is done. Wait--maybe if I say it one more time, I'll believe it. Junior year is done...

It's crazy. I still don't believe that I just finished my third year of college. It's been a little over a week, but I guess it's official now--I'm a--I'm a--Senior... (Yes, that's the "S" word.) Every time the word Senior or Graduation come out of my mouth, I feel like throwing up. It baffles me that Senior year is what's next, that--in a year--I'll be graduating. GRADUATING. Seeing the word on the screen just sent a shiver up my spine.

Well, I'm slowly trying to emotionally and mentally prepare myself so I hopefully don't have a breakdown, even though I have a strong feeling I will one day come to cry in Morehead Hall. I've probably said this about 100 times, but I can't say it enough. I'm really grateful for having the opportunity to work in such a great place with such amazing people. I've been working there since my freshman year and they have literally taken care of me. It has become my second home.

I was talking to Michele today and I was telling her how nervous I was about becoming a senior. I started telling her the classes I'm taking next semester and how I'm going to be interning at a different department in the Fall and she stopped me and said, "wait! You're not going to be here in the Fall?!" hahahaha To which my reaction was of course I'm going to be here!!! hahaha But yeah, she told me something that made me a little nervous, but made me smile at the same time: she told me that I was ready for grad school. Gah. hahaha. That's crazy, but it means a lot coming from Michele. *takes deep breath* This is going to be a crazy journey.

I learned so much in my Junior year. How I began my Junior year and how I ended it were completely different. I had a lot to figure out--a lot. It took me a lot of time to figure these things out and I'm probably still figuring some of the stuff out, but I made some pretty crazy changes: decided to change my career, majors/minors, jobs and not to mention all the things I learned about myself and others.

Now that it's summer, I can finally get a start on my grad school search. I'm working in the office till Peer Leader starts and I'm really excited for what's to come. Keep moving forward, yo.

Cupcake Time.

I've been a been a bit grumbly the past week (fine, two weeks or so) at work and I wasn't really sure why. I found myself starting to be slightly anti-social, and irritated when people started talking to me because I kept losing my focus on the projects I was working on. In addition to being PLC, I was given other duties as a Peer Advisor and I guess it just became too much for me. To be fully honest, I knew I wasn't giving 100% to both of my jobs. I found myself scrambling for icebreakers and activities just a few hours before training and it was hurting me that I wasn't wholeheartedly dedicated to something I promised myself to be. It drove me insane. I was caught up in the world of Field Guides and it was literally never ending until this past week.

I started working on the Field Guide last year when I was a student assistant last year and I didn't mind it too much. It took a while, but it was just editing and updating information about the campus. This year, I played more of a role in designing and structure of the Field Guide and, oh, there were three of them. Yeah, I said it--three. One for first-year students, transfer students, and families. I realized just now how crazy that is. No wonder I was anti-social! hahahaha Well, I guess with all of that on my mind and everything else I find myself doing, I found myself overwhelmed.

It's a lot to handle now that I think of it and it's times like these when I really have to learn to say no. I told Yosayra how I was feeling earlier this week and she helped my by talking to Lindsay. I just chuckled because I went into Lindsay's office the day after and one of the first things she told me was, "Jossie told me to lay off." hahahahahaha

I'm really happy Yosayra and Lindsay mentor me. They're really understanding and that's what I like most about them. They've helped me out a lot, especially this year with helping me figure out my, well, whole life. hahahaha. It's so weird. SO weird to think that in just a year, I'll be graduating. I guess it'll be weird because I'm so comfortable and I'll soon be making all these decisions by myself and they won't be a few feet away from me to ask them for advice. Well, maybe they will be, but I gotta get my master's first! hahahaha. I crack myself up.

Sometimes, I randomly remember that conversation I had with Yosayra a few weeks ago. She told me how she's trying to make me self-reliant and self-sufficient because she's not always gonna be right there to help me and I have to learn to trust myself. It's true. I always find myself second-thinking myself and asking others for opinions just to make sure what I'm doing is right. I guess sometimes...I have to take risks and just kinda figure things out on my own. I've come a long way and I've grown a lot and, to be honest, I'm not sure why I don't trust myself sometimes. I guess it's just something I have to learn. It'll come through.

Anyways, bringing it back to this week, Yosayra and Lindsay let me focus on my bigger projects and the field guides are done! Lindsay bought me cupcakes and they seemed to be a cure! hahaha I feel a lot better. My last day of PA for the year is Tuesday and then I have a week off to focus on my finals. So far, it's a good ending to the semester. I don't feel as crazy right now and it's all thanks to my awesome mentors and some awesome cupcakes.

Quotes, Quotes, Quotes

I almost forgot! Here are the quotes I picked up at the conference!


We cannot predict the future, but we can create it

Don't let your gifts and talents take you to a place where your character can't keep you

There are no hand outs in life, only fleeting opportunities

You should always have a reason to say why you love your job

The key to success: do everything with excellence. Period.

Let the work I've done speak for me

Balance is elusive. Lead lives of satisfying proportion

SA is not just listening with you mind and your ears, but also with your eyes and your heart

Live out loud

Humility is a strength when it's backed with credibility and integrity

Strive for consistency in what you do and say

Everything that you do, do it with integrity

Focus on your potential to make a difference

It's a little random to list these quotes, but it reminds me of the speakers I heard and how they said these things to us with such power and passion...

"When You First Started..."

I've had a little bit of time to think today since I've spent a great deal of time in bed started getting the sniffles on Wednesday. I just realized how terrible it is that I had to get sick to finally have time to think to myself hahaha. Well, there's about a month left of the semester, so everything is starting to wind down and everything's starting to get a little crazy.

Anyways, an e-mail came out today for the Dean of Students Awards and I'm going to apply. I started thinking about my Junior year and all the ways I've learned and grown from the experiences I've had this year. Although it's gone by pretty quickly (too quickly, in fact), a lot has changed.

Currently being sick immediately reminded me of last semester when I was already sick by the second week of the semester. I had taken on way too much, too fast and exhausted myself literally within days. This semester, I've held up for about three months (Personal Best). I guess I am at that point again. Way too many things are on my mind: my internship, my papers, course selection, exams, my jobs, and there's probably some stuff I forgot! One of the good things is that I think I've gotten a little bit better at this whole balancing work thing. Okay, okay, okay, I know you just scoffed at my last sentence, but I've gotten better, I have!

I've also learned a lot about working in a team at work. To be honest, I always took the term teamwork pretty lightly, even when I was a PL. Being a PA was different in that we actually had to create and develop new things and work on projects and we weren't always together to work on it. It's been a challenge, but I've learned a lot and that's what matters. I'll be bringing what I've learned into PL this year in our teamwork, so I'm excited!

Being PLC is more challenging than I thought it would be, so I know I'm in for a really good learning experience. It's really hard to lead a team, but I know Yosayra chose me because I can do it. I kind of have some experience since I've been a PL for the past two years, so I kind of know what to expect, but at the same time, I can't expect the same thing. It's weird. We're all working on developing our team, but we're going to be a good team. It's only been a few weeks and everyone's really open to learning about everyone and I think that's what's going to make us understand each other more and develop ourselves as a team. I'm excited. =]

Reflecting on my experiences as a Junior, I kind of started to think about my experience at MSU as a whole. Lindsay said something to me today that made me laugh because of how true it is: "When you first started, we couldn't get you to talk. Now, we can't get you to shut up." Hahahahaha It made me realize how much I've grown since I've been at MSU. I'm so glad I've had so many opportunities and awesome people throughout my time at MSU. It's made me into someone I've always strived to be.

Tough Love

I guess I should start out with this post that I sent Yosayra a few weeks ago: http://blogs.hbr.org/glickman/2012/03/get-ahead-with-a-mentor-who-sc.html

It's basically about how it's good to have a mentor who scares and challenges you. Yep, that's my mentor. hahahaha

For the capstone course in my minor, I have to take an internship. Luckily, I get to do my internship directed towards something I want to do career-wise. I had my meeting today and I got to learn about all the possible opportunities I have for the Fall semester.

Well, I pretty much got to a point when I was frustrated today because I felt Yosayra wasn't helping me. I get nervous about big decisions like these because I don't want to do the "wrong" thing. I know there's technically no wrong thing because everything's an experience, but still. It's not the first time Yosayra's left me on my own to make decisions and it's most likely not going to be the last hahaha

I guess it kind of brings it back to that article I posted above. You need people to challenge and critique you if you really want to push yourself to grow. Now that I think of it, this whole experience has really redefined the definition of a mentor to me. One of the things Yosayra said to me earlier on this year is that one day, I'm going to be someone's mentor too. Even in Peer Leadership, I know I'm a mentor to the team. I guess my role isn't just to guide and support them, but also challenge them to help them reach their potential.

This actually brings me back to some reflection we did at the conference in Phoenix. We had to write something we wanted to change about ourselves. My improvement was that I wanted to be more confident in my abilities and I kind of think that's where my mentor's trying to get me at too. I know I can do this...I know I can make these decisions. It's just kind of weird, you know? I can't believe how quickly everything's happening.

I guess it's all for the best. A year from now, I'll be making my decision of where I'll be going to grad school... I sometimes grumble coming out of Yosayra's office, but I know that a year from now, I'll be like those American Idol singers who'll be eternally grateful for their mentor.

"I Want Nothing Less than Exceptional"

The past few days at work have been busy, busy, busy. Course registration time is approaching and we're going a bunch of marketing towards telling students to go see their advisors. In addition, the whole department is prepping for registration along with figuring out who our new orientation person will be.

I was talking to Michele yesterday and she told me something that stuck in my head: I want nothing less than exceptional.

I've been thinking about it since she said it and I don't know...I just can't get it out of my head. She went on to describe how being exceptional wasn't only on the basis of experience and all that stuff, but on your eagerness to learn too.

I guess it struck a chord with me because after going to the conference in Phoenix, I had this urge to do more and gain more experience and I think maybe I was focused on a really long time about getting that experience. Yosayra always talks about whether I'm doing things to cross it off a checklist or if I'm doing things because I truly want to do them.

It's a good time to start thinking about these things again since I'm going into my senior year soon (gag!). I want to be a good candidate for grad schools and do that through showing my experiences, but I know that's the only thing I have to show. I have myself.

This week was particularly interesting because I had a few people tell me how I'm a good person and really do make a difference in people's lives and I didn't really understand why all these people were saying these things to me. I guess it makes me realize that it's not the experience what makes me stand out, it's me. It's the type of person I am.

Going to the conference was a little intimidating because I met so many people and some of them did more things they could remember--and that's a great thing! All I know is that you have to do things because you love them. One of the things that they mentioned was that you should always have a reason to say that you love your job.

Speaking of jobs, I have to go run off to Morehead now! Hm, I miss writing like this. Summer time is approaching =]

I'm Back!!

Woah! My apologizes! It's been over a month!

WELL, hahaha

I actually just came back from Phoenix earlier this week! It was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! I met so many cool people! The funny thing is that I felt that I was with people who were like me! We just clicked! hahaha I met people from all over: Washington, New Mexico, Florida, New York, Arkansas--everywhere, really!

We went through workshops and heard some really great speakers! I picked up some really great quotes and advice, but I'll update it later since I'm currently in a bit of a rush.

I'm so glad that I had the opportunity to go to Phoenix. Not gonna lie--I was kind of scared and my first night was spent double thinking about what I had done. What had I done? I was so far from home. I didn't even think I was ready for this.

I couldn't be more grateful for Yosayra, Lindsay, and Michele. They kept telling me how much fun I was going to have and did so much to assure me that I was going to be okay. After Phoenix, I admire them and look up to them so much more (not that I didn't before--hahahaha). It's just...really cool how much they've been supporting me through everything and they go to conferences to exchange knowledge about programs and everything. It's so cool! It's like a pool of knowledge...

Well, I'm really happy where I am right now. It's actually been a while since I've been able to say that, so I'm more than content. =]

I'll try my best to update for often! For now, I miss the NUFP Fellows and can't wait till next year!!! Orlando2013!! =D

Inside Look

Well, I guess a lot has happened since my last post! I'm all set for the conference! Bought my plane ticket and booked my hotel! Guess I'm going to Arizona! hahaha It hasn't fully kicked in yet and it probably won't until I'm at the airport. I'm excited though--really excited! Woo! Woo!

Last week was super busy. It kind made me feel like it was a little taste of what working in Higher Ed was going to be like. Lindsay has let the PAs help out with some of the interviews for the Graduate Interns, Yosayra let me help out with some PL interviews, the PAs have been working on programs and--oh yeah--there was a conference. All in one week! It made me realize why the advisors love Friday so much. hahahahaha

It's been cool though--getting a chance to work a little behind the scenes and see all the hard core stuff the advisors do. And, yes, I still want to go into the field. haha

Doing PL interviews was really interesting I guess because I was once the interviewee and now I'm one of the interviewers. It kind of makes me wonder what it was about me that stood out... Anyways, I'm really excited for the new set of PLs! I get to do the icebreaker for group process on Wednesday. Not gonna lie--I didn't realize how fast this was going to come.

I had dinner with Krista, who was the PLC my first year and she gave me some advice:
-Don't burn yourself out, balance.
-Get started on things early.
-When you see a problem starting, nip it in the bud right away.

I think it's good advice!

Well, I'm going to go back to working on that essay! I just needed a little break! Another busy week, but me and Mr. Coffee are ready to go go go!

Small Moment

When I took my Teaching Writing: Grades 6-12 class, one of our main projects was working on a piece of writing going around a "small moment." I really never thought about it before that class, but there are little moments--those moments that last just a few seconds, which can remind you of or even change something.

I've been thinking about small moments for the past week or so ever since I came across one of my portfolios for the class, but never came across one that actually struck me.

On my way to campus on Friday, I passed by my grammar school and saw the students heading over to church. It was the same way my classmates and I went to church every first Friday of the month: wobbling over with our puffy jackets even if it wasn't cold outside and, of course, in a single file line behind our teacher.

It kind of made me think for a while because it made me think back to when I was little. I'm not sure why, but I never really thought about what the future was going to hold for me. When I was little, I knew I wanted to be a teacher and that's pretty much it. Even now, I know what field I want to go into, but that's kind of it. I have goals and all those things, but I just don't really have a vision for the older me. I'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing.

Maybe I'm one of those people who live in the present, but I've never really thought of myself that way...

Anyways, that small moment of seeing my first grade teacher bring her students to church brought me back to my roots a little bit. I kind of knew what I wanted to do, but I didn't see the most important thing: who I would become. I guess at six it's a little hard to realize who you're going to become at 20, but still. At 20, I don't even know what I plan to make of myself at 25 (and I'm starting to realize how quickly that'll come).

I'm definitely not disappointed in who I've become. I'm actually impressed with myself! *pats back*

I guess that small moment just reminded me about where I came from for a brief moment. Even though I don't have my life step up completely, I think that's the way I want it. It leaves room for surprises. =]

I'm just using everything I've learned in the past to move forward. It's worked out pretty well so far!

Hm.

As I reclined back in my chair thinking of how I was going to close up this blog post, I just realized how perfect the quote around my room is.

"We know what we are, but know not what we may be." -Shakespeare

Grateful

I'm registered! Yes! Boy, I am starting to get pumped up for this conference! Yosayra helped me to get funds and the department paid for my registration! It's so cool that they're helping me out! =]

Later on today, I'm going to do some more research on hotel rooms and flight info and see the best deals around. Michele said they might be able to help me out with that too! I just gotta stop by Monday.

Oh, I actually just remembered something I read last week! The NUFP Fellows have a group on Facebook where people post things and there was this one person who posted up a blog post dedicated to all the Fellows: http://futurestudentaffairsprofessional.blogspot.com/2012/01/nufp-fellows-community.html

She wrote about community and how we're supportive of each other. It kind of woke me up a little to how awesome the opportunity of being a part of this program is. These are people I don't even know and--just by reading this post--I already felt a connection as I have to constantly explain (not to mention, defend) what I'm doing all the time. It gets frustrating sometimes living in a household and having extended family who don't understand and--in some cases--think you're wasting your time with not only pursuing a career in Student Affairs, but education in general.

It affected me a lot in the beginning because they had more experience than I did and I figured I should just take their advice. Working in CAST has really given the confidence to stand by my decisions and be proud of them. I know I'm doing the right thing. Everything about it feels right.

So a big shout out to the people at CAST and the Fellows!!

Grateful.

Growing Up

I spent a large chunk of time this weekend looking through the Summer Internships, working on my application, and looking into the NASPA Annual Conference. In the middle of looking through these internships, I began to picture myself in these positions. I had to stop mid-way.

I'm growing up. It makes a little sad. Everything's happening so fast. I just started my second semester of Junior year. I have my list of graduate schools that I'm going to start researching soon. I'm applying for internships. I'm going to conferences.

Stop. Agh. Breathe.

It's just weird. It's exciting, but weird. I wish everything would just slow down a little bit, but I know that's not going to happen. *sigh*

It's just weird, that's all. Weird.

NUFP Mid-Year Evaluation

It's the moment you've all been waiting for! So I had my meeting with Yosayra this week and I figured my response from it is actually a pretty good summary of it:

--

My reaction from my meeting from my mentor was definitely a positive one. I was surprised how reflective our evaluations of each other and the program were, but was content because it meant that we were on the same page. Two main things that my mentor mentioned I could improve on was learning to say no and improving myself academically and I can definitely agree with both. As my two roles in the office tend to overlap, I always find myself doing errands in between the projects I need to be focusing on and begin to feel frustrated when projects take longer to complete.

I constantly like to keep myself busy and learn things and that is most likely the reason why I am resistant to say no, but I understand where my mentor is coming from. I have to learn to have a stronger focus on my current tasks so I do not only stop feeling overwhelmed, but also so I do not rush through tasks to complete the next thing on my list. With the support of my mentor, I am learning to delegate any minute tasks so I can have a stronger focus on my bigger responsibilities.

Although I did well this past semester, I know I could have done better if I had a stronger balance between my academics and my leadership roles. Before I was heavily involved, I had been placed on Dean’s list my first year and my grades have been fluctuating a little bit since then. I have been maintaining my grades to be in good academic standing, but I know I have the ability to get myself back to being on Dean’s list again.

As for my evaluation, my main goal was to create more structure in my mentoring relationship as well as in my role as a student leader. As such, I have blocked out time in my schedule to dedicate towards the program and my professional development. My mentor and I have also agreed to have our conversations regarding the NUFP experience in more scheduled blocks of time as our most recent meeting was extremely productive due to this.

In addition, my mentor and I have been working on the institutions I am going to be applying for the Summer Internship Program as well as working towards obtaining funds from my institution so I will hopefully be able to attend the NASPA National Conference in March.

--

I was actually a little nervous about going to the conference since it's kind of far away, but now that there's an actual possibility that I might go, I'm getting pretty excited. There's a part of me that can't wait to meet other Undergraduate students who are interested in Higher Ed and I can learn about what cool things they do on their campus, which is pretty nifty!

After I finish up this post, I'm going to chow down on some dinner and then pick my top selections for the Summer Internship. This sounds like a really awesome opportunity and the only thing holding me back is what I have to give up if I am offered a position. Ergh. Well, I'll worry about it when the time comes. Everything happens for a reason.

The Start of Another Semester

The Spring 2012 semester is underway. I'm taking Young Adult Literature, Ethics, Anthropology, and a Psychology course. My first PSYC class was actually cancelled today because of the snow, but who's complaining? So far, I've found my classes to not only be intriguing, but I know there are some classes where I'm actually going to have fun learning. (Yes, I just put the words "fun" and "learning" in the same sentence.)

The class I'm excited for the most this semester for is Young Adult Literature. I've been looking forward to taking this class since my sophomore year and wouldn't have been able to get in this semester if it weren't for the permit my professor gave me. There's a total of 12 books I have to read for the semester and it's pretty much a book a week. I actually just finished reading "The Lord of the Flies" a few hours ago!

Anyways, I'm not only looking forward to the class because of the books, but also because of the professor. The only way I can describe her is that she's the epitome of a teacher. I have never seen someone love literature as much as she does and she's so open to learning about and teaching to her students. It's just wonderful. I mean...we started the class off by clapping during her introduction because we were all so excited. What can be better than that?

Even if I never end up having a classroom of my own, all I want is to have that passion and energy that makes people excited and eager to learn and grow.

Well, one of my goals for this semester is to do better and have a stronger focus on my academics. I realized this weekend that might be a little harder than I thought it was going to be.

As I was reading, I couldn't help but think of the flyers to be put up or the programs that had to be created. I have no idea why. I really don't. I know there's nothing I can physically do, so I'm not sure why I think about it, but I just tell myself to focus.

Well, change doesn't happen overnight. Change happens over time. I know I'm getting better at focusing because I actually catch myself working on other stuff and then put it away to focus on my coursework. Well, the semester has only begun and I know it's going to be a good semester.

Next Post: Mid-Year Evaluation

The NUFP Handbook

Okay, so I focused a lot of the past posts on how I decided to enter in the field of student affairs and some of the things my mentor helped me with during the semester, but I'm going to shift it a little bit so it focuses a little bit more on everything I'm doing as a Fellow. Never fear--I figure I think all the other things also play into my personal and professional growth, so I'll continue to include it a little bit.

As mentioned, Yosayra is my mentor and we met a few weeks ago to further discuss all the components of the handbook and our expectations of each other so here is a brief overview:

Shared Components

-On-Campus Mentorship-

This mainly focuses on the relationship between the Fellow and the Mentor that there is an ongoing exchange so I can continuously learn about Higher Education. The good thing about this is that Yosayra supervises me under the both positions I hold in the office, so she's constantly an immediate resource for me. In addition, this gives me the opportunity to continuously observe my Mentor in her profession.

-Reading Assignments-

This is something ongoing that I'm going to be doing with my Mentor and it's going to be an exchange. So, if me or Yosayra find something that could serve as an interest, then we can discuss the topics and such.

-Mid-Year NUFP Evaluation-

We're currently working on this and we're going to meet in a few weeks to discuss everything so more information about this will be written about in a later post.


Individual Components

For this component, there are different things I can do to fulfill the Learning Outcomes of the program.

-Develop writing, research, and presentation skills-

Will keep a blog of my NUFP experience (as you can see here)

-Develop Ethical Decision Making Skills-

For this component, I am either going to present or co-present a presentation with the Executive Director of my department to the 2012 Peer Leaders during training. I've learned about ethics a little bit for the past two years through previous PL presentations and I found them intriguing, so I actually decided to take a class in Ethics next semester. I hope that I can use what I learn towards contributing towards the presentation in teaching the PLs about ethical decision making.

-Develop Cultural Competency Skills-

I am going to attend an ally training workshop on my campus, specifically for the LGBT community for SafeSpace training.

-Develop Professional Networking Skills-

I attended the NASPA Careers in Student Affairs Conference at PACE University in October and am looking towards attending the Annual Conference in March.

As of now, I'm only a part of NASPA in regards to professional associations. As an Undergraduate student, I'm an English major and am also a part of NJCTE which is the New Jersey Council of Teachers of English and I attended and volunteered in their conference last Spring. In addition, I will be joining ALAN which is the Assembly on Literature for Adolescents in the coming weeks as I will be taking a Young Adult Literature class in the Spring.

-Develop Ability to Identify and Develop Personal, Academic, and Career Goals-

For this, I am going to develop personal goals and create a plan of action for the semester. I will discuss this further will my Mentor the next time we meet.

-Develop an Awareness and Understanding of Engaged Citizenship and Service-

One of the things Yosayra and I are going to try to work to do in include a service component to the Peer Leadership Program through Relay for Life. Nothing is set in stone yet, but I think it's a good thing to include in the program.

The other example given was to enroll in a class that focuses on the meaning of citizenship. In the past semester, I have taken Historical Foundation in American Education, which can be see as learning about citizenship and the growth of it throughout history. This semester, I also completed my second service-learning course. The first service-learning course I took was Teaching Writing and I volunteered as a Writing Coach at a middle school where I worked with students in helping them to develop their writing. This semester, I completed my second service-learning course for Psychology of Leadership where I volunteered at an elementary school every week in assisting with the YMCA after school program. I actually really enjoyed the experience that I am going to try to continue going to the school next semester to help out a few hours as well.

-Develop an Understanding about Multiple Relationships to Power and Privilege-

For this component, I am going to define diversity, multiculturalism, social justice, and pluralism. Throughout some of my education classes, I had defined some of these terms but I'm sure that as a continue to have different experience, my definition of these terms will evolve.

-Develop an Understanding of the History, Mission, and Purpose of Student Affairs and the Various Institutional Types and Structures within Higher Education-

I will review my institution's student affairs mission statement with my mentor

-Develop an Understanding of NASPA's Organization and Structure-

Find the organizational chart of the NASPA Board and learn what each position does

-Other Components-

One of the things that my Mentor is strongly encouraging my to do is the Summer Internship. The postings will be fully up in a few days, so I'm looking forward to reviewing them with my mentor and see which institutions I will look into.

Things such as the Summer Internships and Annual Conference are two things Yosayra is really encouraging me to do. I think it's really cool how supportive and how much she's encouraging me to look into these opportunities. One of the things I wrote about during my leadership class was the effect of providing support. Throughout my experiences, I have been resistant to pursue opportunities sometimes because I don't see myself being successful in them all the time. Luckily, I've had people in my life who have always believed in me and have encouraged me to challenge myself. Even if I don't fully succeed in everything, I try to take everything as a learning experience. I can't say it enough, but I'm really grateful for all the encouragement and support everyone I work with provide me with, especially my mentor so I'm really looking forward to learning a lot through this program not only about Higher Education and Student Affairs, but about myself as well.

"It doesn't matter if I don't succeed in something, what matters is that I learn from my mistakes." -Linda Evans

"What Am I Doing with My Life?"

My biggest struggle this semester was having too much on my plate. I went to school full-time and worked as a Peer Advisor and Commuter Student Assistant on campus. A month into the semester, I took on the role of Peer Leader Coordinator in addition to everything I was already doing. I thought I was going to be fine until I got a D on my English paper and reality had set in. I had spent most of my time at my jobs and--even when I wasn't at work--it would always be on my mind.

I think it was clear to the advisors and my co-workers that there was a part of me that was losing it. I was just so exhausted all the time. I had so many things to think about that my brain couldn't focus on one thing.

During my 1:1 with my mentor, Yosayra, we started talking about competencies and things I could improve on and one of the things I mentioned was role overload. Let's face it; I had taken on too many roles that they started overflow my brain and caused me to have stress. She made me realize how I had put my jobs in front of my classes and I had to not only re-prioritize, but refocus. I talked to Lindsay about this too and she was talking to me about putting 110% towards everything and I thought I was until she mentioned that I might be 110% into my jobs, but I might not be putting 110% into my school work or sleeping. And she was right. I kinda moved my classes to be secondary and my work to be primary, so I had to re-prioritize myself. School is what's important.

At the end of the semester, I left my job as a Commuter Student Assistant and remained a PA and the PLC. It was kind of difficult. I had to deal with the idea of not being able to do something--feeling like I had a limit to my abilities--when I had previously thought I was limitless.

The majority of my friends at school are student leaders like me and it seems we all sometimes struggle with juggling our roles, but we somehow manage. Giving up one of my roles was difficult because I felt I wasn't as good as my peers. I felt like I couldn't handle as much as they could.

One of my friends helped me think it through and I think sometimes I worry too much about what other people are doing and don't focus enough on what I'm doing. She was really good in helping me realize I'm doing just as much as everyone and to just worry about myself. It's true. Everyone has different responsibilities, different strengths and weaknesses, and different ways of handling things, so I really shouldn't compare myself to others because everyone's different in different ways.

I still found myself thinking about my jobs at random times, but Yosayra has been helping me a lot with not stressing out so much. I think the main thing I have to do is just focus on what I have to do during the time I'm doing it and not let it spill over to time when I'm suppose to be focusing on my classes. I've been working on it, especially towards the end of the semester and it's actually been helping me be less stressed out, so that's good. It's just something I have to continuously work on.

So, my main message is that I think this connects with growing as a professional. It's good that I'm learning all this now because I wouldn't want to just start learning how to manage everything when I'm a professional. One of the things that they mentioned at the NASPA conference and something that Yosayra tells me is how there has to be a balance of things and it's something I always try to keep in mind. Also, Lindsay told me that I have to learn how to say "no" and she's right. I always end up saying "yes" to helping people and adding on to the responsibilities I already have and, sometimes, I just can't do everything.

This was my "lesson of the week" a little while ago:
Sometimes, we have to realize we can't always be ninjas or rockstars, for we are only human. We have times when we struggle and we have times when we shine, but it never hurts to stay positive and have an open mind.

Thank You, Twitter

After the conference, I went home and looked through all the information I received during the conference. I noticed there was an opportunity for Undergraduate students under NASPA called the NASPA Undergraduate Fellows Program. The deadline had just passed, so I figured I would just apply next year.

It was about midnight when I was scrolling through my Twitter Feed and I saw that an extension had been made due to Careers in Student Affairs month. I jumped out of my bed and grabbed my laptop to look it up. Yes, it was true. I e-mailed my mentor that minute telling her about the opportunity. This was something I was not going to miss out on. I was bummed about waiting a whole other year to apply, but things happen for a reason.

I spent a whole month working really closely with Lindsay, Yosayra, and Michele throughout the application process and I couldn't have asked for anything more. As Lindsay put it, "they like me! They really, really like me!" I knew the people in my department cared about me, but just the things they wrote about me and the amount of time they spent helping me was really amazing. I couldn't be more grateful for everything they have helped me with.

Decisions were made and I was accepted into the program. Okay, now my doubts of whether deciding to not be a teacher anymore have been put to rest. I'm really grateful for this awesome opportunity and I'm excited beyond words of what's to come. I'm really grateful of how helpful and supportive the people I work with are.

Higher Ed, here I come.

Getting My Feet Wet

Excited that I had finally made a decision on my career, I decided to take some action on learning more about the field of Higher Education by exploring different departments at school. In addition to continuing to work for the advising department, I also started working in commuter student programs.

I was talking to my supervisor for commuter student programs one day and she was talking to me about how I have people on this campus who can serve as incredible resources towards me learning about Higher Education. She mentioned that our VP for Student Development and Campus Life used to be the President for NASPA, but I didn't know what NASPA was. So I went home that day and did some research. I had taken a look at other associations for Higher Education professionals, but I had yet to find one that offered something for Undergraduate students and I was really excited when I saw the opportunities NASPA had to offer.

Later that week, I went into my mentor's office (probably for a piece of candy) and she asked me if I wanted to go to a conference. Immediately, I said "yes" and then took a few steps back and asked her what it was for and she told me it was conference for students interested in Student Affairs and it was from NASPA. I became really excited as I had just learned about NASPA a few days ago and now I was given the opportunity to not only learn more about NASPA, but the field of Higher Education as well.

My friend and I found ourselves in an adventure on our way to PACE University for the NASPA, Region II Conference which involved talking to random strangers and running across light rails. We soon saw one of the graduate interns in our department who was also going to the conference crossing the street and we found our way to PACE University.

The conference was eye-opening in that I didn't really realize how many different things I could do within the field. My biggest concern that was figuring out what part of Higher Education I was going to go into. I had been working a lot in the academic side of Higher Education and had just begun exploring the student activities aspect of it. During one of the presentations, there was a person named Josh who worked at Columbia University and we seemed to have similar experiences in that he was also a commuter student and an Orientation leader for a few years and his involvement on campus always grew. I spoke to him afterwards expressing my concern and asked him how he chose student activities and opposed to academics. I don't remember exactly what he said, but his main message was that it was the skills that mattered. The skills learned in one job could translate to other positions and they could fall in any aspect of Student Affairs and now that I think of some of the people I work with at school, it's true. I just think it's really cool how many opportunities there are in one field.

I went to a bunch of other workshops that involved graduate studies, figuring out if Higher Education is the right career path, resume development, and leadership. At the end of the leadership presentation, the presenter put up a list, which can kind of be seen as 10 keys to leadership and I thought it'd be nice to share:

1. Never lose sight of the ultimate goal, but focus anxiety on short term objectives
2. Set a personal example with visible, memorable symbols and behaviors
3. Instill optimism and self-confidence, but stay grounded in reality
4. Take care of yourself: maintain your stamina and let go of guilt
5. Reinforce the team message constantly
6. Minimize status differences and insist on courtesy and mutual respect
7. Master conflict. Deal with anger in small doses and engage dissidents
8. Lighten up! Find something to celebrate and something to laugh about
9. Be willing to take a big risk
10. Foster a spirit of tenacious creativity. Never give up. There is always another move.

To sum it up, I really enjoyed the conference and I've been even more excited to go into the field since then. Everything was great about it: the people, the energy, the dedication. I was happy.

New Beginnings.

In the first grade, everybody in my class had to draw a picture of what they wanted to be when they grew up. I wanted to be a teacher and--to this day--I still remember my drawing being posted up against the yellow wall of my first grade classroom. Throughout the years, my interest in being a teacher remained with the usual random career changes of wanting to work for the FBI, being a film editor, or wanting to be a copy editor for the New York Times. Regardless of the changes I thought of throughout my life, I always went back to wanting to be a teacher. I was always supported and found comfort in my teachers and I guess--even in the first grade--I wanted to do the same to others.

Fast-forwarding a few years (okay, maybe 12 years...), I was going to make my dream a reality. I had uncovered my passion for literature and decided that I was going to teach others about the power and beauty of it. Throughout my first year of college, my education classes were my favorite. I absolutely loved learning about students, education, and the development of my personal pedagogy. I was getting ready to apply to the Teacher Education Program Spring semester of my sophomore year.

During the summer going into my sophomore year, I was selected to be a Peer Leader at school to help out with Orientations. I wanted to get involved on campus and this was a really good way to gain experience working with students. Plus, I had a pretty awesome Peer Leader at my Orientation (yay, Lisa)! I gained more out of the experience than I thought I would ever get and I was like...a better and stronger version of myself. I guess others noticed it too because I was one of the people who got the "Rising Star" awards for growing the most throughout the program. I really loved my experience and wanted to continue working for the department and I eventually became their student assistant.

Being a student assistant gave me a lot of time to learn about everyone and everything in the department and I really liked it. I was given projects at work where I did a bunch of things such as creating newsletters or researching other Universities and it opened my eyes. All this was a way of helping students, but in a different way.

As I had the chance to learn more about the people I worked with, I learned about their experiences as Undergraduate students and how they came to choose Higher Education as their career. It was interesting because everyone came from different schools and studied different things, but they somehow all ended up in Higher Education. This had me thinking--I loved everything I did for the department and what they did to help students, maybe I'll look into this.

During my winter break after my first semester of sophomore year, I was on my way to completing my application for the Teacher Education Program, but I had also found myself in a struggle. I was really developing an interest for Higher Education, so I wasn't even sure if applying to be a teacher was worth it. If I wasn't going to be a teacher, then why would I be in the Teacher Ed Program? Well, my decision to go into Higher Education wasn't solid, so I applied was admitted in the Spring.

I spent my Spring semester in a literal zig-zag up and down the hallway of Morehead Hall going from advisor to advisor seeking advice on what to do. Should I go into Secondary Education or Higher Education? I had worked so hard to reach what I had thought was my dream for almost my whole life and I was going to give it up, just like that. I couldn't believe how quickly things could change. This was different than the other careers I had pictured myself in and out of throughout my life. I was in the environment, I was playing a mini-role in the field, and I loved it.

During the summer, I reapplied to be a Peer Leader, but I was a PL for the Family Program this summer. I had the opportunity to work with hundreds of parents and sure learned a lot about understanding people's view from other perspectives. Throughout the program, I had parents tell me how they felt reassured about sending their students to MSU because of my conversations with them. I also had a few tell me they could tell how much I loved what I did and even said they saw passion in me. One day during lunch, one of the Deans came up to me and told me she loved how she saw how happy I was every day and, she too, mentioned the passion she saw I had for what I was doing. Now, when one of the Deans tells you she can see your passion about something, you have to be doing something right.

By the end of the program, I had the same type of feeling I had the first time, but it was greater this time. I felt I had grown even more and learned the importance of staying positive. I had grown to an even better version of myself--Giovanna M. Tello 2.0.

Towards the end of the summer, I continued to spend more time with the advisors on what I career path I should take and it was ultimately my decision. I had been debating this with myself for months and I had to make a decision. Deep down, I knew I had made my decision a few weeks into Orientations, but I wasn't sure if maybe I needed more time just to make sure. But, one day in August, I just did it. I actually made the decision in my mentor's office and later went to the Center of Pedagogy and it didn't feel wrong at all, so I knew I was doing the right thing.

I came to realize that I wasn't really giving up on my dream. I was still going to be doing what I love to do: helping people through education. I was just going to do it in a slightly different environment and in a different way than being in a classroom. I didn't really realize it until later, but this is exactly what I had been looking for.